i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
