well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
