fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
