This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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