Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Small penises have feelings too.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
