i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
