I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think i got beer on your cat.
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