the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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