she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
