Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
