cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
