There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
