so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
