I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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