we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
