i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
