ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
