ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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