My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
