Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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