i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
