girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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