Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
