it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
