She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
