Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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