Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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