Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
