He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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