So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
