I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
