I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize