Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
