mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
