Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
