He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
