Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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