FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize