Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
