Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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