I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
