OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
