I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize