The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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