seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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