doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize