I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
