Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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