It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
