im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
