I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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