Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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