is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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