is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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