i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
