No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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