I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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