I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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