it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
NoShamevember. You game?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
