good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
