NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
