I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
