I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
