Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize