You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize