at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
