We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
