Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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