Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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