I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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