capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
